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Q. I'm searching for a therapist for my 14-year-old son. I know he needs help, but I don't know how to go about finding someone who is good in working with teens. I've heard so many stories about mental health quacks. How do I find the right person?

A. Finding a good therapist can be challenging. First, speak with your family doctor, as typically physicians are well connected with specialists who have an expertise in working with teenagers. School officials such as principals, guidance counselors, or school psychologists can also be very helpful.

Here's what to look for in a mental health professional. Make certain the professional has both training and experience in working with teenagers, and has an expertise in dealing with the type of problem exhibited by your teen. If you have any concerns, you and your spouse should attend the first session without your teenager. Ask lots of questions, and determine if you feel comfortable with the responses. You know your son better than anyone else. You are the best judge as to whether the person would be able to connect with your son.

Ask the professional "How many problems similar to the one we are describing have you treated over the past few years?" You can't expect a therapist to be an expert in everything, so try to locate an individual who deals primarily with your son's problem.

Here's a danger sign you should avoid. Do not go to any therapist who excludes you from the therapy sessions. While therapists may want to meet with your teenager alone, it's critical that parents be heavily involved in any such therapy. If a therapist says that he would be meeting with your teen and consulting with you only occasionally, that is generally someone that you want to avoid.

Q. I'm almost embarrassed to ask this question, but my 7-year-old daughter has become friends with another girl who is cared for by a stay-at-home dad. The child's parents are married, but the mother works as a local attorney while the dad takes care of their daughter. They seem to be very nice. I've spoken with the father on many occasions and he seems great with his daughter. Even so, it just doesn't seem right to me.

A. Approximately two to five percent of parents who stay at home to care their children are dads. This number appears to be increasing. There is no research indicating that these dads are any better (or worse) than stay-at-home moms.

I gather from the tone of your note that you are worried about the dad acting inappropriately with your young daughter. I'm not aware of any research that indicates that stay-at-home dads present any greater risk to young children than anyone else. Even so, the best protection for your daughter is to be certain that she is well informed about issues of privacy and touching, irrespective of who is caring for her.

Q. I have a wonderful 12-year-old son who does well in school, has many friends, plays sports, and is extremely well adjusted. However, he does have one habit that gives us concern. He continues to sleep with his stuffed animal every night, except when he has friends stay over. Do I have any reason to be concerned?

A. Absolutely not!

Next week: Negotiating with your young children

Gregory Ramey, Ph.D., is a child psychologist and vice president for outpatient services at The Children's Medical Center of Dayton. For more of his columns, visit the Dayton Children's Web site at www.childrensdayton.org and sign up for FamilyWise, a free e-newsletter for parents. Send comments to Dr. Ramey at rameyg@childrens

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dayton.org.